Team Bad Idea Get Kinky with 50 Shades of Voile

Written by Artem Bylinskii, Caitlin Schneider, and the VOC

Just a ski strap? JUST, a ski strap? PLEASE.

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  1. Restraining your sexual partner
  2. Restricting blood flow to appendages
  3. Measuring penis length
  4. Attaching skis to roof rack
  5. Attaching roof rack to roof
  6. Fixing broken tele bindings (totally skied down the Garibaldi Switchbacks)
  7. Fixing your crampon baskets for a weekend of ice climbing
  8. Replacing your ski boot ‘power strap’
  9. Attaching non-ski boots to ski binding
  10. Affixing your skis to your bike so you can get them home from the VOC clubroom
  11. Attaching your pannier rack to your bike
  12. Holding your bike to the roof, actually holding 3 bikes to your roof
  13. Holding your bike to a cataraft
  14. Loading up a cataraft to Trucky Truck
  15. Holding drybags to that same cataraft
  16. Holding your friends on to the raft…
  17. Make-shift skins (attaching branches to your skis)
  18. Holding the back of the skins to your skis
  19. Holding your skis in an A-frame on your pack
  20. Attaching skis to a snowmobile on those lazy days
  21. Carrying 4 stolen milk crates with one hand
  22. Handle for carrying more grocery bags than you can hold in one hand
  23. Attaching brake caliper to handle bars
  24. Attaching your head lamp to your bike handlebars
  25. To connect two skis together lengthwise to make a long reamer to remove powder snow from the Brew chimney
  26. Makeshift zipper for broken jackets
  27. Re-balancing a table leg
  28. Holding together Donald Trump’s head, or holding on his hair
  29. Fixing a broken ski pole with an ice ax splint
  30. Attaching an ice ax to your pole in order to make a whippet
  31. Ice axe carrying loops
  32. Slingshot
  33. Gaiters
  34. Closing pots
  35. Being orange
  36. Currency and bartering
  37. Building rescue sleds
  38. Making leg splints
  39. Getting themselves lost
  40. Waist buckle replacement for your 100 pound pack during a long trip to Yosemite
  41. Dog collar
  42. Piggy Halloween costume
  43. Fixing a broken belay station (folding camping chair)
  44. Closing your goood loooking barrrels
  45. Packing a sail
  46. Beer holder/strapper (to raft or to head)
  47. Attaching a float to your drogue
  48. Fixing the backrest in a kayak so your friend can paddle the Chilko
  49. Keeping your throw rope in a handy spot in your kayak
  50. A buschel of paddles
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